SACRED CONTRACT WITH YOURSELF...

Today, I had a conversation with someone who was concerned as to why I hadn't answered the phone in the last 2 days...asking me if I was "okay"...once I felt comfortable enough to confide (per. me and said person's trust level) what my reasons where and why, and offering my explanation of what was up with me , but that I was simply reassessing things , and in the middle of what I felt was the hugest transition of my life... I was at a point where I was wanting certain things to come to fruition based on what I felt I had contributed to their growth so far, and that I simply felt it necessary to set aside a few days and/or time to just mull over some details of the next steps, and what I felt was next for me in my transition to the next level...translation, I was"choppin" it up with GOD about what he was doing in my life, and what "he" would have me do next---confirming what I wanted at this stage of "me", and simply feeling an attitude of gratitude (in any case) of where I was on today...you know, just placing an order of my needs and wants...

Oddly, I got a response I didn't expect...hmmm...the person immediately assumed I was depressed and/or sad about what was going on in my life...and proceeded to tell me to just "be happy"...as odd as the advice was I accepted it and deep down inside I felt "hey, I'm not sad, and wasn't at the time I was "mulling" over what to do"--- further more, I wasn't sad about the happenings in my life at all as a matter of fact, but only reassessing my situation to see what, where, how, and when I was going to accomplish what next...as does any person who has a "plan", right? ODD? ---not to me...hard for the "other" person to absorb for reasons I never figured that ...hmmm....later I wondered if maybe the person I was talking to was sad themselves, and assumed I was too? Simply projecting and/or misunderstanding that I just wanted to simply share my thoughts, and not necessarily receive advice for them per this imaginary "problem" they assumed I was having....hence the fact I didn't say "I have a problem, what's your advice".... but instead, just needing the person to be a listening ear, and to give reasons as to why I wasn't available...

OH WELL...no time to explain to folks who can't understand...the 2 days were good for me...

... by the end of the 2 day sabbatical, the "issue" had worked it's self out, as I had anticipated---hence needing "shut-down" time to hear and recognize my answer, with no outside interferences..

Still trying to understand and/or figure out how I had gotten such an unexpected response....I asked myself? "where the channels crossed?"... I didn't consider my expectations of a decent conversation and/or just needing ear of understanding as to where I was--- to be that far fetch---at least not to me...hmmm?...Interesting, yes, to say the least!

I came to the conclusion...

That the most inner feelings you have, often times, aren't meant to be shared, and will never be fully translated for others to understand---for good reason...People are only "human", and once you open the door to share what you are feeling, often times, the person (s) on the receiving end assume you want to know what they think---or why else would you be sharing???...hmmmm---I can understand that...

You are your first and always truest confidant, and your instincts are for sure on point, when sifted through GOD' s opinion (also known as your spirit)---this may come off as if you don't need people, but quite the contrary---you simply learn when to lean on the power within, when to consult others in fellowship, and knowing that you must always be clear of what you expect from the person(s) on the other end---Let's be clear....there are times "fellowship" is manditory....but, always expect an outside opinion---not necessarily always being something you may want or need to hear, but simply recognizing it as being just an alternate assessment, outside of your own of course, of what someone else might think about it....

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT...

I'VE CREATED A NEW SOCIAL NETWORK.... "THE OFFICIAL SOCIAL NETWORK"...

ANOTHER AVENUE FOR SOCIALINZING AND NETWORKING...
"Spontaneous sociability is critical to economic life because virtually all economic activity is carried out by groups rather than individuals. Before wealth can be created, human beings have to learn to work together..." -- Francis Fukuyama

www.officialsocialnetwork.ning.com/

CHECK ME ON BLACK PLANET :
www.blackplanet.com/OFFICIALSOCIALNETWRK/

THE PEOPLE WHO SUPPORT YOU...

It's really interesting that once you decide to set your mind to do and accomplish something positive--- the people who decide to support your endeavors, aren't the ones you'd anticipated...when I started the THE OFFICIAL SOCIAL NETWORK, I was so excited (and still am) about the people that I knew would support it...not just the people I was already in the communique with (past and present) but the new people I was now encountering...Assuming that joining my network would be something they would want to be apart of...oh geeze! was I wrong or what? ...funny, because the people that have decided to unite, collaborate, and/or support me, and my efforts to be one of the newest and biggest networking sites, was more than surprising, and astounding to say the least...And the people who have chosen not to be apart of my efforts...hmmmm? HATERS?... I don't know...I think it's really interesting how most people are apart of multiple networking/social sites already promoting what seems to be important to them ...i.e., when they eat, sleep, shhhh-t, what they cook for dinner the night before, party schedules, and or random blurts of what they feel about whatever----that adding mines to the list of their many avenues for socializing would be something they would want to do... HOW WRONG WAS I? very!
WHY PEOPLE CHOOSE NOT TO SUPPORT....
1. My assumption is that people are "band-waggon" jumpers, and are only willing to join something once it's gained popularity and/or national recognition...not understanding that everyone must start somewhere, right?...and
2. uh? HATERS? hmmmm--you be the judge...lol The most not so creative excuse I've heard to date (of course, only choosing one from many) : "I don't have time" MY RESPONSE: But you log into Face Book, My Space, and other sites everyday....lol although I enjoy knowing when people "eat, sleep, and shhhh---t" as it's blasted on the walls ot their choice...it is, and always will be for sheer entertainment purposes only...lol...someone said to me, just today as a matter of fact, that "TIME is so important"....and if there is one thing I know for certain, it's that people make time for what they really "want" to do....
ON A POSITIVE NOTE.... God has a great sense of humor, as much as I would like for certain folks to join, I am only attracting only the "cream-of the crop" to my network, and people who are actively doing something positive...ready and willing to support a good cause...One might concede though, I am simply attracting what I am and/or representing....the "cream of the crop"...for that, I am so GRATEFUL! ....PEACE!

Sucker FREE ZONE..."You are the company that you keep"

Who's around you, and what is their purpose/value to you?...the people you allow in your realm are reflective of who you are (good & bad)...and are real life, living, breathing, walking, all up in your face, lessons to be learned..some pleasant realities... while others, harsh as hell, hard to swallow and to digest even...from the friend(s) who's always positive to the one that gets on your nerves... there is a reason for EVERYTHING and EVERYONE...that being the case,hmmm...WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS SAY ABOUT YOU?
As easy as it is to blame other people around me as being the reason(s) for my problems... I knew that doing that to myself was wrong and cowardly...and if I expected to grow, learn, and get to the next level of self mastery, as it relates to" ME", I HAD BETTER KEEP IT REAL ( WITH "ME")...
My "Self" assessment of "Thyself"...
Today I took an inventory of who's around me and why... what am I suppose to learn from the folks in my inner circle?Not to mention the new people I'm ATTRACTING...and the results were astounding, even to me!!...the statistics of who's nurturing my growth (and growing with me) was a pretty decent percentage, per their self-quality that is.. (a sure pleasant reality)... and the surprising realization I had to come to of those that weren't, was and still is being assessed (hmmmm?),is 2 be cont'd... some people's expiration dates snuck up on them (me too for that matter) and they had simply expired and or disappeared from my life ...I'm guessing that, subconsciously, as my focuses started to change,I found it more difficult to mesh well with allot of the people in situations where we no longer shared the same interest...Realizing that I had actually out grown the people,places,and things I use to do!...DAMN!...How can I put those folks in a certain category without being offensive and just cutting them off completely?...Besides, they still do serve a purpose...hmmm?
MY SOLUTION?... I GOT IT!...
I'll visit in spurts and never stay too long (short-n-sweet)...I mean after all they did mean something to me...there was tons of history and lots of LOVE still there...I had "accidentally" just out grown them and what we use to do...One might argue, they are still there for a reason, right?..Well, in any case, wish me luck!..today I put my theory to the test!...
THIS HAS BEEN ANOTHER ONE OF MY MANY THOUGHTS OUT LOUD... ....(exhale)

1 DAY @ A Time....

Okay, so for 3 days I've been dreading the fact that I had this huge task that needed to be completed... First, let's rewind (shall we?)
JUST ANOTHER PERIODIC SELF CHECK...(sigh)
...After doing one of my random self-realization checks (of self), I had to come to the harsh reality that one of my biggest down falls about my personality was my procrastination issue, but only when it came to tedious details...although this wasn't the case with everything... just the thought of having to follow iddy bitty little tiny-weeny detail oriented steps---test my patients to the 10th power and I found myself being exhausted (in my mind) even before I began to follow the steps, literally...(I'm nauseous just thinking about it...I can't wait until I'm rich enough to appoint someone else to do all "that" for me...but, for now I must do it myself per my resources...lol)...So since I realize that is and has been one of my biggest problems (for my past and some of my "present" mistakes---hence the fact, that I'm "working" on it..) I know and realize, that I definitely need to work on this issue NOW not LATER!!...
THE "TEST" ... (PER MY "PROBLEM to be worked on...)
...now, fast forward, on today...(we shall)... I had to really check myself about completing this task, coming to the swift realization that if I didn't do it, no one would, leaving the task undone...if that were the case, I had no one to blame ,nor the right to complain, but, only to myself for what I didn't do for me...I felt I had suffered from this "problem" far too long and it was time to work it out, first, and give it up...so at the point of getting tired (of myself) I set out to complete "the task" (remember I prayed 3 days about this..lol) So all prayed up, I go!...all the while---I kept my promise to really pay attention to myself (especially my thoughts and feelings of the people & places I had to encountered in order to complete said task)... I was really finally at the point of no return & fed up with myself about this issue and sincerely wanted to understand why I found this to be so difficult...all the while seeking counsel, of course... "LORD-GOD PLEASE TAKE THE WHEEL" (I said in my mind at least a thousand times, today alone!)...Simultaneously, paying attention to what I was so afraid of, impatient about, and what was so hard about all this...and why?...
MY "DUH" MOMENT...that essentially became my answer...
...and then the answer hit me! (like a ton of fricken bricks)...in reality it was no different from anything else I actually enjoyed doing (that required my focus and attention) per a specific task... It was all in my mind!!!!...I expected that "it" would be hard and that's exactly what I got...So, I took my same bubbly "happy to do" attitude (that I'd apply to what I really found joy in doing) and did what I had to do (with that attitude in mind) accepting that the same rules apply...wow! what a day!!! ...I just seemed to talk to the right people at the perfect time, while completing what I previously thought to be so dog-on horrendously difficult...okay, just being honest, of course I still have to practice this way of thinking, along with the attitude that comes along with it...but, I've set my mind on "master-mode" to attain said "attitude perfection" ...there were more than enough reasons why this way of being,now, was so important for me to understand and or fix about myself...but mainly for the sheer sanity of it all (not to mention "it's healthy" DAMN IT!! ...hahaha)...and NOTHING was worth going crazy over ...(Hell 2 the naw!)...I am more than sure that some situation is just willing,waiting, and ready to challenge me....But I can simply start with what I can control and that is my mind ,and what I "think" about "it"...but always keeping in mind while being patient with myself...I'm a work in progress...
WHAT EVER WAS MY PROBLEM, ANYWAY?
I noticed that when I had to depend on other people to complete the task and they had something I needed (with no other way around them and or it...) ..is when I began to feel vulnerable, as my trust level would disappear, causing fear, then irritation which inevitably became down right anger and disgust... ultimately leading to me wanting to flee the situation before I got what I initially came for and needed..WHEW! So this was a "fear of trust" issue all this time? (basically!)...but the reality is, there will be plenty more times ,like 99% more, when I will have to follow the rules and subject myself to people who will help me to complete the task I need to, in one way or another...I just have to trust that the situation will give me what I "need",but most importantly, something of value (not always monetary and or tangible) but some times the value in just the lesson of the experience it self, is priceless by comparison...hmmm? (DEEP, I know)...Different personalities to be experienced while doing so, force me to be humble in order to get what I "need", while many times learning a much "needed" lesson, all in the same breath and or process ...I realize (in the "lesson" of today) ..that no one can resist a non-resistant person in any given situation...hmmmm? (that's a whole new blog...coming soon..lol..) In any case...I'm working on "it" ( "it"--meaning--"me") that's for sure...One DAY at a time... 1 person & 1 place,too, for that matter...
It's tough being honest with yourself....(Inhale...exhale...big sigh)...this talk out loud makes me feel so naked...I'm just sayin'...uh?..hmmmm??....yeah.

THE SAVIOR'S COMPLEX... ( How Dare I?....O.M.G! )

Most of the time... I'm in some of the most interesting situations where people seem to solicit my advice per their problems...(As I have accepted my ability to be non-bias,usually able to see both sides, has proven to be a blessing and a curse to some ---hahahaha---It is a gift that I have...and I accept all that comes with it) That being said, I've come to the swift realization that not everyone is ready to wrap their mind's around sound advice and/or the truth for that matter...Most of the time, the person seeking advice, 9 times out of 10, already has the answer in mind they want given to them and/or want you to agree to...but are seeking validation for their "egotistic" view of it all, not really wanting your advice at all, just a mere "I AGREE" is sufficient ...
However, on the other hand, some people genuinely want your advice and intend to apply it to the best of their ability ( but, are only seeking "confirmation" to what they have already made up in their minds to do, and only need you to 2nd their motion) ...Often times, the person who isn't ready to hear the truth will become combative and defensive...as if you just barged in on their personal affairs by force,without their solicitation, just randomly offering your opinion of what you think, while they insist that clearly "you haven't the slightest idea of what they are talking about" ,or really, what they are trying to get you to understand... making clear in their defense, that they are so offended and appalled...(I know!!! OMG, right?) ...well, to prevent this monstrosity of a situation from happening, I've learned to; (1) listen CAREFULLY to the information (2) ask qualifying questions along the way to better help me understand (3) ask myself "have I ever been through something like this and or similar" (as not to appear hypocritical)... (4)constantly soliciting for GOD to give me an answer that feels right in my spirit and the courage to tell the truth as I see it (5) reassessing the ANSWER, if there is one, and if there isn't one---not forcing an answer to save face or babysit someones feelings about their"issues"... Doing these things has allowed me to disconnect easily when need be ---not taking "their" burden(s) with me, leaving with what I've shared (and learned), with a heart of LOVE, ACCEPTANCE, and UNDERSTANDING ...
THE ASSESSMENT PROCESS:
Once, I've heard "enough" , THAT'S IT!---- because people will drain the living "hell" out of you with what they think should be important to you and take a lot of your time and energy in the process---(as if you don't have "things" to work on yourself) ...there MUST and ALWAYS be a limit to the information intake you allow and always only give as sparingly as possible with just enough of yourself per their situation---( and or never to be "too" consumed by them) If not, it's a draining situation and the JOY of great intentions to help and or give, turns into bitterness behind pure obvious SELFISHNESS and disrespect of your time!
NEW LAW PER "MY-SELF CONSTITUTION"...
----I ALWAYS ask permission in offering my opinion (Yes, ALWAYS)...I am always careful when I confirm the information (reflecting what I think I may have heard and received from my end) in the explanation of the "problem" ---only and always to assure I "clearly" understand before assuming, and most importantly , before I offer my advice---Giving only the best advice of what I think (as if to be talking to and advising myself) ... Protecting myself, if in the event the person still chooses to become defensive and non-receptive--in my experiences, this has proven to be most frustrating at times, especially when my intentions are good with my heart in the right place..(sigh)...I've learned to not allow this any longer,simply because it is draining and has proven to be a waste time & energy...
If the person on the receiving end, is ready to hear the truth (as I see it) and is open, comfortable enough to adhere to constructive criticisms (with LOVE, of course) per my assessment and is willing not take the criticisms personally...Then, and only then, do I offer my opinion (ONCE-ONLY for that particular problem) ...I've learned that when you are not as honest as you can be to start, the "receiver" can for whatever reason mistake you as a constant "crutch" and an/or "outlet" for their inert emotional outburst, problems, and feelings... (uh huh----no, no, no, no, no!)...making them the forever returning problem....(YIKES!)
Forcing you to realizing that the advice you gave them wasn't clear with the "terms and conditions" you intended to relay initially...leaving them to always feel comfortable when the urge to simply "let loose" about what ever arises (when ever they want too) and thinking it's okay to do so...In no way would I ever dare to blame the person who's seeking the advice, but solely placing the blame where it belongs ---on myself (a.k.a--the problem solver) for allowing this repeat offense, as it relates to consuming my life, to happen over and over again...If for whatever reason the problem and solution weren't addressed and made clear the 1st time around, there would appear to be a slight, maybe even major, "communication" problem... leading them to believe that you will always be their "SAVIOR" (so 2 speak) never forcing them to lean or self (Or GOD even!!!) becoming an enabler ( instead of a helper) and preventing some much needed/necessary life lessons of how not to be "repeat-offenders" and how not to go in circles with the SAME life dilemmas...(WHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!) .... this being said, it can ware and tear on a relationship from both ends, and sometimes bring the relationship to it's unfortunate demise...as one person feels slighted and worn out from the selfishness consuming the friendship...the person on the giving end could easily come to the conclusion that the advice they recommended, the time spent, and the energy put in to it "helping", was not respected and not saw as being valuable enough that the person receiving could understand and or apply...

1 more random thought subsiding in the escapades and/or caverns of my mind's most honest complexities to be solved!.....(sigh)...THX,again! =D